Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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