are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
