Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
