They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
