just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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