I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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