Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
