just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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