My first STD was from a foam party
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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