can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
