so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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