It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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