And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
if only i could text you this smell
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
