I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
