i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
