Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
