Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
