I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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