I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
