hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Vodka?
Forever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
