In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Two words: blizzard sex
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
