OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
