I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
