Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
