There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
