the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
