He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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