when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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