dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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