Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
