My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
