I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Someone signed my nipple.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
