No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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