i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Small penises have feelings too.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
