So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
