So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
