I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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