my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
