your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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