No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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