He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
