I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
