i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
