it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
