I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i came on her dog
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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