More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
