Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
