Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
