Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
