no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
