he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
