It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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