girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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