never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
