Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Randomize
