Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
