Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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