I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
